This is my first post on my personal blog. I am not writing this to any one out there, this blog might end up just to me. I was sitting in my small room with my diary and was writing ( yeah, I do diary writing).
What I was writing ? You ask
I was writing just the usual stuffs. I was writing should change my life, should start working on something, should do something which will turn my life cool and I would be earning good. For surprise this isnt the first time I am not writing or thinking that I will start studying or start working with passion and regularly, this might be the 100th time. I was writing the same in my diary, so my mind was wondering, Am I the only person in the world who is like this or there are many who are like me? So I just thought let me make my own personal blog, let it end up just to me then also its fine for me but lets make it online that's what I thought and I opened the lid of my laptop and got online and started writing.
I didn't give a damn how the blog would look, what theme to choose and stuffs, I just created a blogspot on blogger platform (famous free platform from Google) and here I am writing.
Coming back to what made me write here, yeah for the 101th time I was writing on my diary that I should start working, should start studying should earn good, should be out of the box and all. This resolutions I have made 100 times in my life but always I end up with sleeping (favorite), end up watching movies or some times even porn :-D (yeah I am trying to be faithful at least to myself). And despite of all this one more thing, I have written the second part of where I end up and continuing with "this wont be the same resolution, I will make it count", But as usual it turns to be the same resolution (the sad part).
Losing my dad
I lost my dad 3 months back, still I am not able to digest that he isn't here with me. There isnt a day I don't think about him, there isn't a day I wont get tears :-( . Most of the nights I get dreams of being with him and I wake up and there comes the realisation that he isn't here with us. Even today I woke up with the dream of being with dad. Today we have few relatives in my house and they were chit chatting loudly in the morning where as I was sleeping in bed, so in dream I and dad were speaking and scolding the ladies that these ppl gonnna kill us with their mouth :-D and I and dad both of us were speaking this sleeping on single bed, that moment was so cool, and suddenly some one woke me up. I miss dad to the power of infinity. Even the idea of suicide came into my mind, I thought what I have in my life , why should I need to live? What is the reason to live in this world. I lost faith in life. I still think what I have in life? where is happiness, Why should even I need to live :-( .
I remember going to all those seminars, malls, shopping marts, exhibitions, we went together :( . Now where will I go with whom I will go, I have to be with myself :( yeah I do have my mom with me.
I was saying about suicide ryt , but today I have thought that I should live, I should live for my dad's dream , I should live for myself. Ryt this moment I am remembering the day we were in Shusruta hospital together for 5days as we had some complication and he use to walk outside in veranda. I remember all those , I am getting tears ryt now :( . I remember he strived to live , he was tired of life, cancer had made him think that its enough I give up. I remember the day I cremated my dad, he was lying dead in front of all of us. I get everything in front of my eyes just like it is going in front of me ryt now.
I use to ask my dad english spells, I know I could search on net and find it or sometimes I know it well still I use to ask , he always use to guide me. I use to ask him to translate few words from kannada to english (kannada is my homelanguage) , like fruits, flowers and vegies. He always use to guide me.
He was the great man I have ever seen in my life, He knew all the things, He was good at share market, He was good at hiss work , he was good in english, Even he was good at computers, me being a computer engineer had asked his help in ms word n excel bcz he was a champ in that. After his death I went through all his stuff and got to know that he was a very disciplined person and his mind was just super great. Those logical creations, those awesome decisions, those productive mind. And I would say he was the most intelligent person in my whole family till date, He was good at law, he was good at land, He was good at science, He was good at external affairs, He use to read a lot, Of course all this knowledge he gained from reading n no. of books in his life. I heard that he did nothing but read books n enhanced his knowledge as he had nothing to do at his age of 30 bcz he got married at the age of 38.
I still can see him lying dead in bed and I was the first person told about my dad's demise. I remember how hard it was, I couldn't even digest that he is no more, I was like stone. I wasnt able to utter a word. I came out n signaled my uncle because I could speak. I remember each and every moment. Its like permanently stored in my ROM. I remember he asking whats happening why are we here, I remember his last words on paper " Delux" asking to shift to delux ward, I am crying now :( after the delux he had written another word in the night when I was with him, He wrote he will say he wants to talk to "attender" wrote "attender" this was the last ever word he wrote from his hands, Tears are falling from my face . I miss him a lot. I am not able to write because tears are blurring my vision, shall remove the spects and continue.
Yeah I will try to end up the topic of my dad, because it will make more n more depressed.But I again today take a oath that I will work hard atleast for my dad. would earn good and would buy a house for my mom n dad. would be happy for him , would open a company or would work for some company as my dad had dream. like all other dad s My dad also had a dream with me. My dad has a dream I should make it true. I shouldnt quit. I should finish my engineering. I should work.
Few days back my gf said " I will study atleast for my dad" saying "dude you have none to care, you die , you dont study , you dont complete engg none gives a damn where as I have study and fullfil my dad's dream, where as you don't have dad only with you, so jerkk off" , of course it hurts me but I should stand the world , Its gonnna be hard for me to stand in front of the world on my self without not even one percent help from any one. I do remember another words from her which pinched me so hard "You don't pay my fees", dude who d fuck are you, why should I need to give a damn to you, You arent paying fees for me, my dad pays fees where as for you , you urself should pay, none cares what you do , you dont complete engg , none gives a damn other dan making your fun to d fullest, where as I have life. Of course I dont knw whether she meant this or no. If i send this to her she would get hurt. And one more thing is I was totally fine if she was writing d exam n if she was studying and I insisted her to study also because yeah what all I said above is true I have none who gives a damn if i study or dont study I dont have a life, I dont have a dream , I dont have anything in life where as you have so please study I said it myself still she didnt study and said those words.. I seriously from d bottom of my heard had said her to study as well as give exam bcz she has lots of stuffs to do during 3rd ia where as i dont have anything to do other than sleeping isnt it.
Coming next, to my dream my passion my plans, Of course I do have plans, A quite better plan , which is known to only me , but the thing is i m not at all dedicated and I take resolutions and never take action,
I never take action that is the most draw back in me. i am not even one percent dedicated guy.
I am thinking to take the decision of not attending any of the interviews on campus or I am thinking not to attend TCS which will be held tomorrow, yeah I have TCS campus interview tomorrow, I have read everywhere interview will be so good and all , but I dont think I would be able to attend interviews :-(
I have seen many of my friends earning lot of money online via blogging, affiliate marketing, niche blogging, designing, creating something , freelancers, writing, SEO consultant, CPA, CPC, CPM, PPC, lot of things, even I do know these are genuine and I know how to make it work but I never take action, So I am thinking to start out.
I always hesitate to take risk, I dont have hosting , once I had taken hosting for 6months that too by paying 1$ or something from hostgator. But I didn't take action. Till date I have been reading 1000 s of success stories but hasnt earned a single buck online. I know how to earn, I buy domains I have PR2 website from which by now I could have earned some decent income but I am not working I am not taking action. :(
You know I get distracted in between doing something, I was writing here , but I got distracted I went to facebook , I read something there den I opened a link of quora which amazed me, I ended up reading a full conversation in that quora page, I ended up there . Then some one had shared a link of how to be a professsional blogger, then I endedup there. The worst thing is I keep on reading all half half and end up with nothing I have to start working on new things I should try to concentrate. I should try to make my own rules,should try to stick to it.
I see lot of people doing money with lots of things, what I do is I try for everything and end up with nothing. This is main drawback w.r.t me.
I will wind up my first post here, saying I should plan I should do something in my life before my death.
What I was writing ? You ask
I was writing just the usual stuffs. I was writing should change my life, should start working on something, should do something which will turn my life cool and I would be earning good. For surprise this isnt the first time I am not writing or thinking that I will start studying or start working with passion and regularly, this might be the 100th time. I was writing the same in my diary, so my mind was wondering, Am I the only person in the world who is like this or there are many who are like me? So I just thought let me make my own personal blog, let it end up just to me then also its fine for me but lets make it online that's what I thought and I opened the lid of my laptop and got online and started writing.
I didn't give a damn how the blog would look, what theme to choose and stuffs, I just created a blogspot on blogger platform (famous free platform from Google) and here I am writing.
Coming back to what made me write here, yeah for the 101th time I was writing on my diary that I should start working, should start studying should earn good, should be out of the box and all. This resolutions I have made 100 times in my life but always I end up with sleeping (favorite), end up watching movies or some times even porn :-D (yeah I am trying to be faithful at least to myself). And despite of all this one more thing, I have written the second part of where I end up and continuing with "this wont be the same resolution, I will make it count", But as usual it turns to be the same resolution (the sad part).
Losing my dad
I lost my dad 3 months back, still I am not able to digest that he isn't here with me. There isnt a day I don't think about him, there isn't a day I wont get tears :-( . Most of the nights I get dreams of being with him and I wake up and there comes the realisation that he isn't here with us. Even today I woke up with the dream of being with dad. Today we have few relatives in my house and they were chit chatting loudly in the morning where as I was sleeping in bed, so in dream I and dad were speaking and scolding the ladies that these ppl gonnna kill us with their mouth :-D and I and dad both of us were speaking this sleeping on single bed, that moment was so cool, and suddenly some one woke me up. I miss dad to the power of infinity. Even the idea of suicide came into my mind, I thought what I have in my life , why should I need to live? What is the reason to live in this world. I lost faith in life. I still think what I have in life? where is happiness, Why should even I need to live :-( .
I remember going to all those seminars, malls, shopping marts, exhibitions, we went together :( . Now where will I go with whom I will go, I have to be with myself :( yeah I do have my mom with me.
I was saying about suicide ryt , but today I have thought that I should live, I should live for my dad's dream , I should live for myself. Ryt this moment I am remembering the day we were in Shusruta hospital together for 5days as we had some complication and he use to walk outside in veranda. I remember all those , I am getting tears ryt now :( . I remember he strived to live , he was tired of life, cancer had made him think that its enough I give up. I remember the day I cremated my dad, he was lying dead in front of all of us. I get everything in front of my eyes just like it is going in front of me ryt now.
I use to ask my dad english spells, I know I could search on net and find it or sometimes I know it well still I use to ask , he always use to guide me. I use to ask him to translate few words from kannada to english (kannada is my homelanguage) , like fruits, flowers and vegies. He always use to guide me.
He was the great man I have ever seen in my life, He knew all the things, He was good at share market, He was good at hiss work , he was good in english, Even he was good at computers, me being a computer engineer had asked his help in ms word n excel bcz he was a champ in that. After his death I went through all his stuff and got to know that he was a very disciplined person and his mind was just super great. Those logical creations, those awesome decisions, those productive mind. And I would say he was the most intelligent person in my whole family till date, He was good at law, he was good at land, He was good at science, He was good at external affairs, He use to read a lot, Of course all this knowledge he gained from reading n no. of books in his life. I heard that he did nothing but read books n enhanced his knowledge as he had nothing to do at his age of 30 bcz he got married at the age of 38.
I still can see him lying dead in bed and I was the first person told about my dad's demise. I remember how hard it was, I couldn't even digest that he is no more, I was like stone. I wasnt able to utter a word. I came out n signaled my uncle because I could speak. I remember each and every moment. Its like permanently stored in my ROM. I remember he asking whats happening why are we here, I remember his last words on paper " Delux" asking to shift to delux ward, I am crying now :( after the delux he had written another word in the night when I was with him, He wrote he will say he wants to talk to "attender" wrote "attender" this was the last ever word he wrote from his hands, Tears are falling from my face . I miss him a lot. I am not able to write because tears are blurring my vision, shall remove the spects and continue.
Yeah I will try to end up the topic of my dad, because it will make more n more depressed.But I again today take a oath that I will work hard atleast for my dad. would earn good and would buy a house for my mom n dad. would be happy for him , would open a company or would work for some company as my dad had dream. like all other dad s My dad also had a dream with me. My dad has a dream I should make it true. I shouldnt quit. I should finish my engineering. I should work.
Few days back my gf said " I will study atleast for my dad" saying "dude you have none to care, you die , you dont study , you dont complete engg none gives a damn where as I have study and fullfil my dad's dream, where as you don't have dad only with you, so jerkk off" , of course it hurts me but I should stand the world , Its gonnna be hard for me to stand in front of the world on my self without not even one percent help from any one. I do remember another words from her which pinched me so hard "You don't pay my fees", dude who d fuck are you, why should I need to give a damn to you, You arent paying fees for me, my dad pays fees where as for you , you urself should pay, none cares what you do , you dont complete engg , none gives a damn other dan making your fun to d fullest, where as I have life. Of course I dont knw whether she meant this or no. If i send this to her she would get hurt. And one more thing is I was totally fine if she was writing d exam n if she was studying and I insisted her to study also because yeah what all I said above is true I have none who gives a damn if i study or dont study I dont have a life, I dont have a dream , I dont have anything in life where as you have so please study I said it myself still she didnt study and said those words.. I seriously from d bottom of my heard had said her to study as well as give exam bcz she has lots of stuffs to do during 3rd ia where as i dont have anything to do other than sleeping isnt it.
Coming next, to my dream my passion my plans, Of course I do have plans, A quite better plan , which is known to only me , but the thing is i m not at all dedicated and I take resolutions and never take action,
I never take action that is the most draw back in me. i am not even one percent dedicated guy.
I am thinking to take the decision of not attending any of the interviews on campus or I am thinking not to attend TCS which will be held tomorrow, yeah I have TCS campus interview tomorrow, I have read everywhere interview will be so good and all , but I dont think I would be able to attend interviews :-(
I have seen many of my friends earning lot of money online via blogging, affiliate marketing, niche blogging, designing, creating something , freelancers, writing, SEO consultant, CPA, CPC, CPM, PPC, lot of things, even I do know these are genuine and I know how to make it work but I never take action, So I am thinking to start out.
I always hesitate to take risk, I dont have hosting , once I had taken hosting for 6months that too by paying 1$ or something from hostgator. But I didn't take action. Till date I have been reading 1000 s of success stories but hasnt earned a single buck online. I know how to earn, I buy domains I have PR2 website from which by now I could have earned some decent income but I am not working I am not taking action. :(
You know I get distracted in between doing something, I was writing here , but I got distracted I went to facebook , I read something there den I opened a link of quora which amazed me, I ended up reading a full conversation in that quora page, I ended up there . Then some one had shared a link of how to be a professsional blogger, then I endedup there. The worst thing is I keep on reading all half half and end up with nothing I have to start working on new things I should try to concentrate. I should try to make my own rules,should try to stick to it.
I see lot of people doing money with lots of things, what I do is I try for everything and end up with nothing. This is main drawback w.r.t me.
I will wind up my first post here, saying I should plan I should do something in my life before my death.
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