WTF Am I doing in My LIFE

Seriously Its hard to figure out what the fck Am I doing. I am soo fucking confused. I wanna be successful in my life but I don't know whats stopping me from being successful. I wanna be successful so much that I am not able to sleep, to be frank just 5mins back I tried to go and have a nap for 1hour or so, But I came back because I can't sleep only thing I see is I wanna be successful, I wanna be someone out of the crowd and I want a life where I can get everything I need except my dear dad :-( . So I am writing this to figure out what is really stopping me from getting successful.

Whats stopping me form getting successful ?

1.ZERO CONCENTRATION

If I can recollect I am here in this online earning world from July 2011. I started my first website on july 2011, it was basically a website on computer tricks and tips. It was all going good, I was amazed because I got traffic from google in few days only where as it was very less. Then I learn t about Domain and hosting and all. I bought a domain and started working on that, then even got a server by with very cheap offer by 2012 or so because of  some black friday offer. So it was all set then what was stopping me from working hard??

• I had good domain
• I had hosting for 6months

Then what was it which was stopping me from working and earning some bucks ??
I guess it was just me and my mind set, nothing other than that. I was stopping myself from being successful.

2. Distractions

I always get distracted, I cant stick to one thing. I should really find a solution for this from today. For example I got distracted ryt now to goto google and search for "How not to get distracted" or "How to concentrate on one thing", and once I go out of this full screen for googling definitely I will end up surfing on facebook and where in turn I will end up clicking something on facebook which changes my mind set.

3.New Ideas

• Technology blog : It was all set in 2012 that I would blog on technology and start working like one post per day and all. But then I read about niche websites.
• Niche websites:  From then on I started reading about niche websites because lots of ppl were earning a lot from it, so decided I should do that, got a domain on cancer. Later didn't even write a single post on that too.
• Affiliate Marketing: Then started thinking about affiliate marketing because people were making lot of money from it. Created a clickbank account and started seeing about offers, but by the end of the year couldnt earn a single buck :-p .
• Blog with John Chow:  I heard about Blog with John Chow and then I entered that thing, lost my money there too, But I never even logged in that website to see what information does he even provide.
• Smartincome ebook: I have friend in my fb friend list who earns hell lot of money but the good thing about him is he shares for free, he produced a new ebook about affiliate marketing and I got it and read each and every page of it but I didn't take any kind of action. AGAIN I FAIL!!!! I LOSE!! .. I DONT CONCENTRATION!!!
• CPA network : I started hearing about ppl who are earning from CPA, then again applied to few of the CPA network and even got approved in peerfly and adscend media.
• CPA training : Got to know about a CPA training and the guy who was giving training was a big guy who was earning lakhs crores per month, So I thought I should join this and its really worth of buying it and spent some 17k INR on that.
• Blog commenting : I got a offer on B& S group like Rs.5 per comment, So I thought should start from somewhere, might be this so that would be earning some 2k per month. So I started with this. To be precise today only I started to comment and I was like its soo tough, commenting also is tough, I can't do it and I should probably quit..,
  I SUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!
  I HATE MYSELF for being suchan asssholeee!!
• Adsense : Now today I have just finished CPA training and I should really work on that and even blog commenting but I saw a post on a friends wall saying he would provide a training on "How to earn from Niche websites via Adsense" for 6k INR, My mind is like lets even go for it..
  HAVE I GONE MADDDDDDDDDDDDDDD SERIOUSLY??
• CPA networking : Another friend of mine posted guaranteed income of 1000$ per month in next 3 months and he would be providing free tutorial, So I commented with "I am interested" But I never take action. I hate myself !!!!!!!!!
  I never take a topic till the end I quit in between.
• Adult CPA: I just viewed a hangout by a giant e marketer and it was awesome but I am not gonna work on that because I am an asshole! and I never take action!!

LOL while typing this again I got distracted and I ended up in facebook and I posted for the complete video again for the above CPA offer and almost 30+mins wasted and literally would have never come back again and this post also would be pending in drafts. But I started thinking what I should alter in my self and then I started smiling that I have kept this post pending and I finally I am back here to complete. I wish I start doing this from now on everything.

WHAT CHANGES I SHOULD MAKE in my LIFE FOR SUCCESSFUL????

• Concentrate on one thing at a time.
• Dont mix up everything
• Try to concentrate on one thing
• Once you take one project take that project till its completion, never leave in between!!
• Don't go beyond get rich in a month product, stick your plan and stick stick stick to it till you finish!!!!!!!!!!!!! till you succeedddddddddddd!!!!!!!
• Find a positive ROI project...
• STUDYYYYYY and STUDYY
• READ READ READ!!!!!!!

 I finally wants to wind up this post here itself, I hope whenever I come back my mind would come back to senses where I am going wrong and finally would start concentrating. Also gonna take a print out of this post for self motivation !!

My first post

This is my first post on my personal blog. I am not writing this to any one out there, this blog might end up just to me. I was sitting in my small room with my diary and was writing ( yeah, I do diary writing).

What I was writing ? You ask

I was writing just the usual stuffs. I was writing should change my life, should start working on something, should do something which will turn my life cool and I would be earning good. For surprise this isnt the first time I am not writing or thinking that I will start studying or start working with passion and regularly, this might be the 100th time. I was writing the same in my diary, so my mind was wondering, Am I the only person in the world who is like this or there are many who are like me? So I just thought let me make my own personal blog, let it end up just to me then also its fine for me but lets make it online that's what I thought and I opened the lid of my laptop and got online and started writing.

I didn't give a damn how the blog would look, what theme to choose and stuffs, I just created a blogspot on blogger platform (famous free platform from Google) and here I am writing.

Coming back to what made me write here, yeah for the 101th time I was writing on my diary that I should start working, should start studying should earn good, should be out of the box and all. This resolutions I have made 100 times in my life but always I end up with sleeping (favorite), end up watching movies or some times even porn :-D (yeah I am trying to be faithful at least to myself). And despite of all this one more thing, I have written the second part of where I end up and continuing with "this wont be the same resolution, I will make it count", But as usual it turns to be the same resolution (the sad part).

Losing my dad

I lost my dad 3 months back, still I am not able to digest that he isn't here with me. There isnt a day I don't think about him, there isn't a day I wont get tears :-( . Most of the nights I get dreams of being with him and I wake up and there comes the realisation that he isn't here with us. Even  today I woke up with the dream of being with dad. Today we have few relatives in my house and they were chit chatting loudly in the morning where as I was sleeping in bed, so in dream I and dad were speaking and scolding the ladies that these ppl gonnna kill us with their mouth :-D and I and dad both of us were speaking this sleeping on single bed, that moment was so cool, and suddenly some one woke me up. I miss dad to the power of infinity. Even the idea of suicide came into my mind, I thought what I have in my life , why should I need to live? What is the reason to live in this world. I lost faith in life. I still think what I have in life? where is happiness, Why should even I need to live :-( .
I remember going to all those seminars, malls, shopping marts, exhibitions, we went together :( . Now where will I go with whom I will go, I have to be with myself :( yeah I do have my mom with me.

I was saying about suicide ryt , but today I have thought that I should live, I should live for my dad's dream , I should live for myself. Ryt this moment I am remembering the day we were in Shusruta hospital together for 5days as we had some complication and he use to walk outside in veranda. I remember all those , I am getting tears ryt now :( . I remember he strived to live , he was tired of life, cancer had made him think that its enough I give up. I remember the day I cremated my dad, he was lying dead in front of all of us. I get everything in front of my eyes just like it is going in front of me ryt now.

I use to ask my dad english spells, I know I could search on net and find it or sometimes I know it well still I use to ask , he always use to guide me. I use to ask him to translate few words from kannada to english (kannada is my homelanguage) , like fruits, flowers and vegies. He always use to guide me.

He was the great man I have ever seen in my life, He knew all the things, He was good at share market, He was good at hiss work , he was good in english, Even he was good at computers, me being a computer engineer had asked his help in ms word n excel bcz he was a champ in that. After his death I went through all his stuff and got to know that he was a very disciplined person and his mind was just super great. Those logical creations, those awesome decisions, those productive mind. And I would say he was the most intelligent person in my whole family till date, He was good at law, he was good at land, He was good at science, He was good at external affairs, He use to read a lot, Of course all this knowledge he gained from reading n no. of books in his life. I heard that he did nothing but read books n enhanced his knowledge as he had nothing to do at his age of 30 bcz he got married at the age of 38.

I still can see him lying dead in bed and I was the first person told about my dad's demise. I remember how hard it was, I couldn't even digest that he is no more, I was like stone. I wasnt able to utter a word. I came out n signaled my uncle because I could speak. I remember each and every moment. Its like permanently stored in my ROM. I remember he asking whats happening why are we here, I remember his last words on paper " Delux" asking to shift to delux ward, I am crying now :( after the delux he had written another word in the night when I was with him, He wrote he will say he wants to talk to "attender" wrote "attender" this was the last ever word he wrote from his hands, Tears are falling from my face . I miss him a lot. I am not able to write because tears are blurring my vision, shall remove the spects and continue.

Yeah I will try to end up the topic of my dad, because it will make more n more depressed.But I again today take a oath that I will work hard atleast for my dad. would earn good and would buy a house for my mom n dad. would be happy for him , would open a company or would work for some company as my dad had dream. like all other dad s My dad also had a dream with me. My dad has a dream I should make it true. I shouldnt quit. I should finish my engineering. I should work.


Few days back my gf said " I will study atleast for my dad" saying "dude you have none to care, you die , you dont study , you dont complete engg none gives a damn where as I have study and fullfil my dad's dream, where as you don't have dad only with you, so jerkk off" , of course it hurts me but I should stand the world , Its gonnna be hard for me to stand in front of the world on my self without not even one percent help from any one. I do remember another words from her which pinched me so hard "You don't pay my fees", dude who d fuck are you, why should I need to give a damn to you, You arent paying fees for me, my dad pays fees where as for you , you urself should pay, none cares what you do , you dont complete engg , none gives a damn other dan making your fun to d fullest, where as I have life. Of course I dont knw whether she meant this or no. If i send this to her she would get hurt. And one more thing is I was totally fine if she was writing d exam n if she was studying and I insisted her to study also because yeah what all I said above is true I have none who gives a damn if i study or dont study I dont have a life, I dont have a dream , I dont have anything in life where as you have so please study I said it myself still she didnt study and said those words.. I seriously from d bottom of my heard had said her to study as well as give exam bcz she has lots of stuffs to do during 3rd ia where as i dont have anything to do other than sleeping isnt it.

Coming next, to my dream my passion my plans, Of course I do have plans, A quite better plan , which is known to only me , but the thing is i m not at all dedicated and I take resolutions and never take action,
I never take action that is the most draw back in me. i am not even one percent dedicated guy.

I am thinking to take the decision of not attending any of the interviews on campus or I am thinking not to attend TCS which will be held tomorrow, yeah I have TCS campus interview tomorrow, I have read everywhere interview will be so good and all , but I dont think I would be able to attend interviews :-(

I have seen many of my friends earning lot of money online via blogging, affiliate marketing, niche blogging, designing, creating something , freelancers, writing, SEO consultant, CPA, CPC, CPM, PPC, lot of things, even I do know these are genuine and I know how to make it work but I never take action, So I am thinking to start out.

I always hesitate to take risk, I dont have hosting , once I had taken hosting for 6months that too by paying 1$ or something from hostgator. But I didn't take action. Till date I have been reading 1000 s of success stories but hasnt earned a single buck online. I know how to earn, I buy domains I have PR2 website from which by now I could have earned some decent income but I am not working I am not taking action. :(


You know I get distracted in between doing something, I was writing here , but I got distracted I went to facebook , I read something there den I opened a link of quora which amazed me, I ended up reading a full conversation in that quora page, I ended up there . Then some one had shared a link of how to be a professsional blogger, then I endedup there. The worst thing is I keep on reading all half half and end up with nothing I have to start working on new things I should try to concentrate. I should try to make my own rules,should try to stick to it.

I see lot of people doing money with lots of things, what I do is I try for everything and end up with nothing. This is main drawback w.r.t me.

I will wind up my first post here, saying I should plan I should do something in my life before my death.